A Red State Mystic.

July 18th, 2009

On a Song and a Prayer

7/18/09 12:11 am

I HAVE FEW words. So, I'll let the Book of Common Prayer and Arvo Part speak for me. The video is a setting of the Te Deum by Estonian composer Arvo Part. Do give it a listen and try not be startled by its austere beginning, as it turns into something quite beautiful. It is now one of my favorite pieces (BTW, this is the first of what I think is five videos).

THE SECOND IS "A General Thanksgiving" from the BCP '79. This is not the most common General Thanksgiving that is found at the end of Morning and Evening prayer, but is in the back of the book. It is quite wonderful:

"Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise for all that you have done for us. We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation, for the beauty of this world, for the wonder of life, and for the mystery of love.

We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, and for the loving care which surrounds us on every side.

We thank you for setting us at tasks which demand our best efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us.

We thank you also for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.

Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; for his steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom. Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and make him known; and through him, at all times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things. Amen."

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July 9th, 2009

On Life and a Little Julian

7/9/09 01:11 am

I HAVE WRITTEN two posts in the last week, but decided at the last minute not to post either for a variety of reasons. The first was kind of a meditation on The Fourth of July, the interplay between Religion and politics, and that Independence Day is a Feast Day in the Prayerbook. The second was a re-telling of an expierence I had on Sunday while filling in for our Organist and the (what a friend of mine calls) performance amnesia that really was a special working of grace the more I think about it. They just didn't feel right: one because I said nothing and the second because it was perhaps too personal. I'm not comparing you, my most gracious readers, to swine but sometimes you just want to clutch those pearls and keep them close to your heart. However, I'm willing to post them if anyone is interested.

WORK STARTS NEXT Wednesday. The more I meditated on it, I decided to turn down the Telemarketing job. Something about the part-time position just feels right in my gut (and the other did not). They've already increased my hours by giving me another shift -- and I haven't even worked a day for them. I've followed this gut feeling for most of my life and it hasn't steered me wrong yet. I'd like to think its just discernment and the Holy Spirit. But, of course, you're welcome to call that feeling whatever you want.

MORE THAN ANYTHING, I'll be glad to have some structure back in my life. I write better and I operate better when my day is planned out with purpose. I'm enough of an extrovert to be mostly without self-discipline (with some lovely major exceptions). Discipline only come when it fits in the framework of outside forces and my response to those. I would make a terrible desert monk.

I HAVE FINISHED re-reading Julian of Norwich and feel like I have truly read her for the first time. One thing that surprised me is how much her concept of sin lines up with CS Lewis' in The Great Divorce. Theirs is a lovely nuanced position that is different than the concept of sin I grew up with in an Evangelical setting. (Specifically, I'm thinking about that little image in The Four Spiritual Laws tract that teaches you how to get right with God and such.) But it is this lovely little nuance that means the difference between Jonathan Edwards' "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" with its analogy of a spider dangling above the flames and Julian's image of the entire universe sustained by love like something the size of a Hazelnut in the hand. It is beautiful and life-changing. I can't take credit for this, for it was all spurned upon me by my Confessor. And I am thankful for that.

HOW ABOUT A little quote from the Saint herself? Here is what she writes is the entire point of her visions, revelations and understandings:

"Would you know your Lord's meaning in this thing?
Know it well: love was his meaning.
Who showed it to you? Love.
What did he show you? Love.
Wherefore did he show it you? For Love.
Hold yourself therein and you shall know and learn more in the same;
but you will never know nor learn another thing therein without end."

And here is a fantastic little video from the Episcopal Cafe that summarizes her major theological points. I do hope you'll watch it.

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July 1st, 2009

On Life and Things Related (2)

7/1/09 12:53 am

I FINALLY HAVE good news on the job front, as I've been offered two jobs. One is a full time position (30 hours a week) and the second is part-time (16 hours). After being turned down by everyone and their mother, I think I'll take them both. My record: 2-8. Thank the Lord! And thank you for your prayers.

SORRY THAT IT has been so quiet -- unusually quiet -- around here. I suppose that the whole application/interview process/having-that-positive-tone-in-my-voice wears me out because it feels like I am my own pimp and my own whore. I am my own pimp in that I am selling myself with words like "stellar", "communicator" and "proven" to potential employers. I am my own whore because I am constantly trying to please that Pimp (perceived self-image, perhaps?) and give a good show for the people across the desk. Constantly selling myself as "better" and "faster" and "able to carry an idea from inception to completion" and on and on and ad nauseum.

I GOT SO tired of it. In fact, when I interviewed with both of the offered positions I was honest with them. After they both told me that they would get in touch with me, I said something like this: "I've interviewed at numerous places and many of them have not contacted me back. I would appreciate it if you contact me as soon as possible." At one of them I said explicitly: "Is there anyway we can expedite this process?" Ironically, one smiled and immediately ushered me into a meeting with the owner of the company. When the second job called me back with an offer, they specifically mentioned that they appreciated my candor. Who da' thunk it?

AFTER I HEARD about the second job, I went to Starbucks -- that great American wasteland -- to tell my friend and roommate. I sat there for awhile enjoying my coffee, my plush seat and marveled about how many people type in public places (there is a Family Guy sketch about this but I can't find it). I felt rather artsy in that setting, which I'm sure is a coffeehouse's intended purpose. I share with you, therefore, a little piece of crappy verse that was inspired by these last few weeks. I sure it wasn't the only crappy piece of poetry written there that day:

Fallen, fallen is Babylon the Great!
She who was both Pimp and Whore,
charging thousands more
from those whose cheeks would turn.

THAT'S ALL FOR now.

June 22nd, 2009

On Life and Things Related

6/22/09 01:12 am

SO, I'M STILL unemployed. I've officially been turned down by four places and one job that seemed like a good deal (I made it to the second interview) still hasn't returned my phone calls. I have another round of places at which to apply and am using the fact that I'm a well-connected Episcopalian to the fullest extent of the law. My parents are being most gracious by assisting me during this period financially (which I am grateful for) and my friends are very supportive, as always. But, its the boredom that kills me more than anything else.

MY PRIEST TOLD me after Church to stay faithful. And I'm trying the best I can: Mass three times a week (a lovely offshoot of the fact that I live within walking distance of the Church) and the Office as much as I can. This evening, as I drove over to Milligan to see a friend, I thought about consecrating my broke-ness to the Lord, which I assume is similar to consecrating your brokenness unto the Lord. I hope that this doesn't sound like trivial Evangelical-sermon wordplay, but perhaps it is. What I mean is that I am trying to find contentment in the-pimping-myself-out that is the application process, finding contentment in the overwhelming boredom, and in the fact that I am little more than an educated beggar right now. Coming to the realization again and again (with discipline) that I have all I need right now. That I have nothing to give to God, but myself -- wholly myself.

WHICH IS SHOCKING, isn't it? That's what I can only give to God and that's all I've ever been able to give God. Just me. Just myself. Just my brokenness and broke-ness. Being unemployed is a great stripping away of the non-essentials. Stripped away so all that remains is a beggar, shivering from the cold and asking for grace. Money or no money, job or no job, that is what I have always been. In the words of Martin Luther, "Wir sind bettler. Hoc est verum."

THERE HAS BEEN no great shaking of the fist in the face of God, no swearing at the Deity like President Bartlett on The West Wing. No. There has been none of that. For a long time, I have been freed from the idea that what happens to me is something of a judgment from God (the academics call this deuteronomistic theology). No, I believe that when things happen, it is the job of the Christian to look beyond the surface, beyond the pain (or joy) and see what grace is being worked in that situation. That somehow and someway, the good and the bad are all grace to us who are being redeemed.

JULIAN OF NORWICH, whose Revelation of Love I've been rereading, wrote it much better: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well [sic]."

BUT THERE IS frustration. There is boredom. There is that great listlessness of unsureness. But I'm trying . . . I'm trying.

June 17th, 2009

On a sermon and some points

6/17/09 01:08 pm

I HAVE TWO things to share with you today:

THE FIRST IS a sermon from last Sunday from St. Clement's in Philadelphia. I'm quite sure it is the highest of the high in the Episcopal Church. I've been to Philadelphia once and wasn't able to make it to a service. Truth be told, a friend and I were walking towards The Franklin Institute and I saw it from the road. "Oh No!" I said to her, "I totally forgot about St. Clement's! If I had remembered, I would have checked for services times!" She laughed at me. So, I've never been to a service, but their videos sometimes make my nose bleed they're so high.

ANYWAY, THE SERMON is on Corpus Christi and what that means in the life of the modern Christian: service to those who cannot help themselves. It even has references to Fr. Basil Jellicoe and to that famous speech of Bishop Frank Weston, both of whom were very influential in my spiritual formation as I served in Atlanta. Service to the poor is not unique to Anglo-Catholicism, but it is certainly one of its hallmarks. Go, have a listen to this short sermon. Your soul will thank you.

THE SECOND IS set of points on The Episcopal "Reform of the Reform" from the always enlightening Haligweorc. I have nothing to add but to compliment the spirit in which it is written and add a hearty, psuedo-Baptist AMEN!

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June 13th, 2009

On Old Poems

6/13/09 12:51 am

(NOTE: ANOTHER GLORIOUS thing about being unemployed is that you get to go through your old journals and notebooks to see what you have written in ages past. This was written sometime my Sophomore year at Milligan, I believe during the first part of the second semester. This is exactly how it is written: all in capital letters and with the unseemly word self-censored. Enjoy!)

I AM HAVING A HARD
TIME FOCUSING--
PERHAPS I NEED MEDICATION--
Better Yet! A MEDICATED
VACATION!
AND A FACE LIFT!
A SMALL DOG IN A BAG,
WITH GLITTERED DIAMONDS
STUDDED ON MY JEANS!
WHERE ARE MY 40'S ON MY
LINCOLN?
WHERE IS MY F*$&ING ENTOURAGE?

(OH AND HERE is a delightful ditty that follows a few pages later . . .)

The grass grows,
slowly,
intently.
The room beathes
rhythmically.
The blood slides
ever so slowly from underneath the door.
You're going to be okay,
If you're now, Why,
that's okay, too.
Life will just go on without you.

(HERE IS ONE from another Journal, but roughly the same time period. This is a bit of mockery of several friends of mine who I dearly adore. It is just that they are poster children for the blog, Stuff White People Like. And that deserves to be mocked. I resisted the urge to post pictures of the guilty party, so you'll just have to imagine what they look like. God bless their hearts. Enjoy!)

Here I sit, perched upon my upholstered chair,
Drinking my delightfully decadent soyorganicchailatte
2splendaspleasewithnofoam for $8.63 -- I know, right? --
But, really, can one put a price on quality? --
With my friends, the choice "select" group of
people that I spend my time with.

We're all different, really,--
But we all like to surround ourselves with different people--
He listens to Oldies, Joan Baez and all.
She listens to acoustic rock -- James Taylor and the like,
He likes folky stuff, real simple, you know?
Different people, we all are, different walks of life.
Me? My favorite band you've probably never heard of,
never-been-on-the-radio, a-small-cult-following.

What do you like? You like that?!

I might like them if they didn't have so much media play.

Maybe so, but they just sound so corporate!

Its okay, most people don't like the things that I like.
I don't think most people could handle what I like.

(Read: "Most people" suck - they cannot handle the
depths to which I plunge! Death, love, unwashed
clothes are that which I immerse myself!)

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June 12th, 2009

On Acedia and Prayer

6/12/09 02:38 am

ONE OF THE most glorious parts about being unemployed is that I get to read a lot. I've been working my way through Kathleen Norris' Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks and a Writer's Life. I have experienced personally her description of Acedia, I just never had the word/concept to describe it. To use a worn-out metaphor: its like I've been putting together a puzzle of my sins and failures (numerous, they are!) without a big picture of what they mean. I heartily recommend it to everyone, even though the beginning is a bit academic.

ANYWAY, SHE GIVES the best definition of how Prayer works that I've ever read:

"As a writer, I must begin, again and again, at that most terrifying of places, the blank page. And as a person of faith I am always beginning again with prayer. I can never learn these things, once and for all, and master them. I can only perform them, set them aside, and then start over (185)."

AND THIS IS exactly what we do every evening when we pick up our Prayer Books and say, "O God, make speed to save us" or on Sundays and other times when we hear, "Almighty and everlasting God, unto whom all hearts . . ." Each of these are not built upon the previous times we heard them, but a fresh start at prayer. Some might call this a new creation.

PERHAPS THIS IDEA of prayer being like work is lacking in that we clock in and clock out and spend x number of hours in prayer each in succession. Milligan students put it as "getting your card punched for heaven" for your little devotions. Hours upon hours, all built on the previous experiences. With this understanding there are masters of prayer who know its greatness and its pitfalls, who know how to make it work. There are beginners who stumble.

NO, MAYBE THE idea of prayer is that it is more of a garment. Something we wear for a moment, then take off. Then we come to it afresh and wear it again, then we take it off. In prayer, there are no experts, no long hours of experience, but simply one moment of prayer that all of us come to again and again: we put it on and we take it off. We are born anew to when we come to that moment. We are born anew when we leave that moment. In this being born again, we are transformed into the likeness of Christ, our Lord.

OF COURSE, TS Eliot (a devoted Anglo-Catholic, by the way) said it better than I ever could:

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time (Little Gidding)."

I DON'T KNOW about you, but I find this all entirely refreshing!

June 9th, 2009

On the little things

6/9/09 03:28 am

LAST WEEK, I spent some time in the company of some Evangelical friends in what turned out to be an enjoyable and convivial time. I expected nothing less, mind you. It was a party where everyone brought a dish. There was food of every stripe and language under heaven: just the delicious numinous of an Evangelical get-together.

IF YOU’RE WONDERING, I tried to bring Cheese Stuffed Apples. These are cored Apples with Camembert, Cream Cheese and a dash of white wine in the center. The cheese mixture was fantastic, but the apples did not look too good after chilling in the fridge for the required three hours. So, I just bought some Brie and cut up a bunch of Green Apples. It was simple, tasty and very Episcopalian of me!

ANYWAY, SOMEONE MADE a wonderful lemon cake that was light and moist. It had the most perfect icing on the outside and three layers on the inside. There were lemon peels and blueberries on top. It was to die for; it was heavenly. I became very quiet, savoring each bite and thanking the Lord for such decadence.

I SUPPOSE THAT it was good for me to get quiet, because while I was eating cake, the conversation turned towards the Theory of Evolution and how it subverts the Faith. Some made points that others added or supported. Everything was discussed from the obvious (“Where did the molecules come that caused the Big Bang?”) to the mind-numbingly ridiculous (something about the rotations of the universe).

I STAYED QUIET and enjoyed the cake. Its not that I believe or do not believe in Evolution, or that I think the two-thousand year old theology is in danger because of it. I stayed silent because I just do not understand science! For example, when I took Biology I studied my butt off and still made a grade vastly lower than the rest of my classes. My mind just doesn’t work that way: I’m too much whatever-the-side-of-the-brain-is-utilized-for-music-and-language to get it! With all this in mind, I stayed quiet. For the first time in my life, perhaps, I realized that I shouldn’t opine on a subject because I don’t understand it. Truly, this was a function of God’s grace!

WHEN THERE WAS a lull, I remarked “Before this gets too heady, I want to say that science doesn’t make any sense to me, but I don’t need to understand it. I know that there is a God because of this cake.” They laughed, of course.

BUT, I THINK being thankful for a piece of cake is just as important to my theology as prayer, liturgy and contemplation. I hope you won’t think it flippant.

June 7th, 2009

On a blessed Trinity Sunday!

6/7/09 07:04 pm

(Note: I wrote the following after last year's celebration of the Trinity. I stand by what I wrote, now more than ever. I even said the creed this evening during Evening Prayer.)

+++ +++ +++

(Note: What follows are my experiences when praying the Athanasian Creed on Trinity Sunday. Towards the end, I go on a little rant and swear a bit. Feel free to skip over that paragraph. The paragraphs following the rant are the only salient ones. Feel free to read only those.)

AT EVENING PRAYER, I decided to get adventurous. Yesterday (Sunday) was Trinity Sunday when the Church catholic celebrates the doctrine of the Holy Trinity. The readings both at Mass and in the daily office focus on the Godhead has being the mystical communion of love, that through Christ, has opened this communion of love to all creation. And, of course, you get to belt out one of English-speaking Christendom’s favorite hymns: “Holy, Holy, Holy.”

ONE CUSTOM OF the day was to say the Athanasian Creed. This ancient creed was developed to combat certain heresies that taught wrongly about the Trinity. Sounds like fun, right? A problem with the Athanasian Creed is its length and its ability to say the same thing fourteen ways. So, not only are you saying a lot, but you’re saying the same thing over and over again. It is neither streamlined like Nicene or Apostle’s Creed and it has some phrases that are offensive to our modern ears (more on this later). Because of these things, the tradition of saying the Athanasian Creed was already on the way out the door by the time the Prayer Book was revised in ‘79. It’s still in there, but relegated to the back by the Chicago-Lambeth Quadrangle and the 39 Articles (which should have your copy of the Angelus taped over them, right?).

SO, SHORTLY FOLLOWING the Te Deum, I hiked up my pants, rolled up my sleeves, set my nose to the grindstone, and begin by saying,

“Whosever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold to the catholic faith. Which faith except everyone do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly.”

There in my bedroom, I could already imagine that Presiding Bishop Katherine Jefferts Schori just got a cold chill, sat up in her bed and tells her husband, “A parishioner is in trouble!” Friends of mine that are of the liberal persuasion suddenly get the urge to call me, after having a dream that I’ve ran off with the alternative-oversight Anglicans. A few reformation Saints start interceding heavily on my behalf.

I SWALLOW AND sigh deeply. “Oh, Andy,” I say to myself, “What have you gotten yourself into?” Its not that I disagree with that statement, but I’m just worried by the way its worded. It makes it sound like whoever holds to the catholic (universal) faith is saved. It seemingly turns faith -- that mystical urge of the soul -- into a set of doctrinal precepts with boxes that need to be checked to the left. As much as I decry Post-modernity, its impossible for me to escape the Pomo way of thinking: that faith has little to do with doctrinal precept, but is primarily about story. This Athanasian Creed seems diametrically opposed to this kind of thinking. There is no grey area in the Athanasian Creed. There is no discussion that is so loved by Post Moderns. But there is a line drawn between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of the world. “This is the faith,” it says, “and you’re damned if you believe any other.”

AGAIN, I’M OKAY with some black and white statements. I believe Christ to be the son of God and the way, the truth, and the life. I believe that the Church has something valuable in its great deposit of the faith that can change the world by changing one heart at a time. I believe with most Christians that our line-of-demarcation lies in the deity of Christ and ones belief in it; what makes us Christians is Christ -- not necessarily holding to dense theology (I hesitate to use “dogma” here) that would require a great mind to even begin to grasp it.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND, therefore, why this Creed sets the line-of-demarcation on the concept of the trinity and the incarnation, two concepts that have even confused our great thinkers. I don’t know if I’ve ever believed rightly about either concept, but I struggle with them. Lucky for me, the rest of the Creed goes on about how to believe rightly concerning the Trinity and the Incarnation, specifically treating the fact that there are three persons, but one substance; there is one Christ, but two natures. Its all very illuminating and valuable once you get over that first hump; I really recommend that you at least read it. It would answer a lot of those pesky Sunday School questions.

SO, I’VE QUIT sweating by about half-way through it. I’m heading towards the finish line. I’m beginning to think I might just make it. Then, I say this line:

“And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting and they that have done evil into everlasting fire.”

My mouth drops open and goes dry.
My left leg goes numb.
Luther just rolled over in his grave.

OKAY, SO I can at least put up with the weird statement that theology is a perquisite to salvation, but I will not put up with a statement that says we are saved by good works! This very statement offends my rather Augustinian (or Pauline, rather) sympathies. “Salvation is not something I do!” I scream in my head, “Its something that God does for me!” It is not a work of human hands, just so I can boast! I am a believer in salvation by grace and this statement seemingly flies in the face of it!

AFTER THIS THEOLOGICAL bomb went off, I begin to think more of this last statement. It is written in light of the great judgment seat of Christ -- which I certainly believe in. Perhaps “doing good” simply means that one has chosen Christ and His righteousness. Perhaps “doing evil” means that one had not chosen Christ. But even those who choose Christ, still do evil. That theory is quite a stretch to get from the words. I just have to let them stand in all their works-righteousness awkwardness. It’s like the proverbial elephant in the room.

(Here followeth a rant.)
OF COURSE, ITS this kind of “works-righteousness” thinking that has led to seemingly orgiastic pronouncements of eternal destinies by screaming preachers with blood on their teeth. These statements that give credence to these people who get-off on telling people that they will burn in hell forever. Believe me, many Evangelical Protestants may say that they believe in salvation by grace, but listen to their words and watch their actions. Perhaps if many of them did, they wouldn’t get off so quickly on damning people to hell. To many, “God’s Justice” is just another way of saying, “I’m better than you.” Its these kinds of statements of works-righteousness that turned Christianity in everything it shouldn’t have been!
(Here endeth the rant.)

SO, I FINISH the Athanasian Creed, and go on with the office, still shaken from saying it. I can see why it was never said in Eastern Orthodoxy and is hardly ever said in the West. Not everything is always right with tradition. But, please, don’t tell anyone I said that.

I’VE LEARNED A valuable lesson about faith from saying the Athanasian Creed on Trinity Sunday. This is the faith. It smacks you in the face, leaving you sore and confused. It is not easily digested and must be struggled with over many days, years -- and yes -- perhaps even a lifetime. The faith of the Church is powerful. Whether you agree or disagree it must be wrestled with; it must be addressed; it must have an answer. But its strong enough that it doesn’t need explanation. Just let the faith sit out there in all its awkward elephant-ness

I HOPE YOU’RE following me. I think we suffer from too much explanation, gentrification, and niceness; we are always on the defense about our faith, explaining it away to be understood in the twenty-first century. This is not a fitting apologia, but it is a poor attempt at reconciling the kingdom of the world with the Kingdom of God. Be confused. Struggle. Let the faith kick you in the ass. You don’t have to like it or even agree with it, but hold onto it.

I DIDN’T LIKE saying the Athanasian Creed. In many ways, it revolted me. But it is part of the faith that has preceded me and will proceed me; its part of the faith that was handed down to me. But I’ll do it the respect it deserves by struggling with it. I’ll do it the respect it deserves by interacting with it. I’ll do it the respect it deserves by trying to let it expand my understanding of what it means to be a Christian. I’ll respect it by letting it challenge me.

FOR THIS REASON, I’m glad that I said the Athanasian Creed.

June 4th, 2009

On Mary & Martha

6/4/09 02:23 am

RECENTLY, THE GOSPEL (in the BCP Daily Office Lectionary) was the familiar story of Mary and Martha from St. Luke. Of course, there is Martha who is frantically busy with hospitality as a head of the house, making sure everything is just right. There is her sister, Mary, who is sitting at the feet of Jesus just soaking it up. “What the heck, Jesus” Martha demands, “My sister is a lazy bum who needs to help out! Stop talking to her so she can do her work!” Jesus calmly responds: “Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (10:41-42)”

THE MYSTICS ALL go crazy for this story. The anonymous author of The Cloud of Unknowing spends most of the book describing the difference between Mary-Christians and Martha-Christians to prove why Centering Prayer is superior. Without looking, I believe St. Teresa of Avila makes use of it in The Interior Castle and St. Julian uses it in her Revelations, too. All the Contemplatives like to point to this passage because they believe that it shows that Jesus likes the contemplative monks more than the actives. I’m not kidding. Even the Protestants are in on the action with a book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. I haven’t read it, but I assume it carries the same theme as the above.

IT IS FAR too easy to sort out everyone’s faith into two categories: these Mary’s and these Martha’s! We have been doing it for centuries, I suppose, just changing the titles and the names around like the cup-stacking game from Church camp: the Mary’s, the Martha’s; the Sheep, the Goats; the have’s and the have-not’s; those within and those without. The names change to fit our circumstances to damn or demean those we do not like or understand. I do this all the time.

PERONSALLY, I PREFER these biblical titles to aid Christ with his judgment of the world. “Here, O my Lord,” I lean over the divine throne on the day of wrath and whisper, “here is a folder with all those who we think deserve what they are about to get. You know the ones we don’t like” -- all the while, of course, categorizing myself as a Mary, a Have, someone within, and as a sheep-who-hears-his-voice. I have every right to do that, don’t I? I was raised to believe in the assurance of my salvation! I firmly believe in the divinity of Christ! I am under the authority of the Church!

I KNOW THAT this reads as over the top. But this is exactly what I am saying every time I turn to my brother in Christ and judge his faith. Or every time I look down on someone who does not meet every qualification. Or judge someone who is criticizes me. Or hate someone who doesn’t understand my faith. It is exactly what I am saying. And it is exactly what you are saying every time you do these things! Oh, how these God-given categories can quickly reveal the inner selfishness and egotism of the soul – even the soul of a believer.

HOW QUICKLY WE turn these God-given gifts into sin. We turn people into categories. We fashion sacraments into blunt force objects with which to beat each other. We turn away from the God-in-others, while turning to magnify the god-within in haste. “Get to work,” we yell, “you’re not doing enough!” We do all of this in the name of Christ, in the name of scripture, in the name of the Church. Surely, this must make Our Lord weep again.

REMEMBER THIS, THEREFORE, next time you raise your voice or dwell on a critical thought, Martha! For the very next soul you claim to be someone without could be the very same soul that reaches to the Lord in an adoration so deep, so longingly, so lovingly that it has yet to reach the surface. They could be the very soul that I might to convince of my worthiness so that they can lean over the divine judgment seat and whisper favorable things in Our Lord’s ear (as the Orthodox might put it). The very person I think to be lazy could be the one that “hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her (10:42).”

HOW FOOLISH I am. How foolish we are. Open our eyes, Lord.

“Never look down on anyone. You do not know whether the Spirit of God prefers to dwell in you or in them”
--Sayings of the Egyptian Fathers