IF I AM first and foremost, a servant (slave) of God, then I must be seeking the will of my Master above all doctrinal and familial implications. I wouldn't care what Church I call home or what I consider myself doctrinally-- as I am more than okay with being Post-Denominational. However, I believe that God has called me to the Pastoral Ministry, so where I lay the stole is an important decision. What is the will of God concerning my Church home? In a conversation with a dear Protestant brother, who told me that he also is attracted to Roman Catholicism, said everytime he prays about it, he hears God say something along the lines that what he is seeing in Catholicism is only the positive side. In not so many words, don't get too excited. While I respect my dear brother and understand that God has laid out different paths for the two of us, from time to time I think I hear, "Run! Run to Rome!"
THE FEELING INTENSIFIED when I went to Easter Vigil. Father preached on why this is the day and time...of what I'm not sure. I felt so convicted that this is the day and time of my conversion that I thought I would slide off the pew and hide under the kneeler. It only got worse when the baptisms occurred and then two young men (late middle-school) changed churches from PCUSA and the Southern Baptist Church to Roman Catholicsm. Surely, if a Southern Baptist can do it, why can't I! I was uncomfortable the whole service, because of a strong draw that I felt to join. At some point, I thought I might as well get up and tell Father, "Throw some water on me quick!" The conviction is also heavy when I do certain Catholic Devotions, such as a litany to the Sacred Heart or pray the Rosary. However, if you catch me in a different mood, I'm likely to blow it all off and say, "Phew, Catholicism? Sounds nice, but I can do without the Thurible!" So, in some feeling department, I seem to get mixed signals. Big Surprise, Huh?
WHAT IS THE WILL of God concerning my Church home? I have absolutely no clue -- sorry for making you sit through five entries to only find out that I don't know. I will continue to seek God and I ask for your fervent prayers for guidance and the grace to follow God in a holy life. The only thing I have heard is "SERVE ME NOW, right where you are. I will bring you into all perfection and reveal my word and will for your life in due time. For now, serve me where you are, as a student, as a writer, as a pianist, and as a friend."
AMEN. YES, LORD, I am your servant, let it be to me as you have said!
To Be Continued Indefinently...
May 12th, 2006
May 10th, 2006
IN MUCH THE same way, I identify my natural family by various ways, One, by blood; that is that my brothers and I all come from the same Mother and Father. Two, by law -- My brothers have married two wonderful women and therefore they are family to me. Finally, three, by name; anyone who might be adopted into the family and any distant relative who might come across my path. Above all blood, law, or name, I know family because they are familiar; I know my brothers because they have been my brothers my whole life.
MY CHURCH FAMILY is found in such ways. I know my Brothers and Sisters by the blood of Jesus Christ, whose sacrifice unities us all in the Holy Spirit. I can know my Brothers and Sisters by law, as in those who agree with the broad Biblical basics laid down in the Apostles and Nicene Creeds. Finally, I know my family by name, as in those who call themselves by the title of Christian. However, apart from the blood of Christ, it would be hard to identify who is my faith-family; some can mouth the creeds and Amen when their hearts say something different; and people can call themselves whatever they want -- like some Australians in recent memory who listed their religion as Jedi.
BEFORE I CAN find out who is my Christian family above any superficial sense, I must know what is familiar to me. In a sense, I need to know who I am, by examining the spiritual surroundings of doctrine and devotion. Who am I? The shallower my thoughts, the more specific I get, “I am a Charismatic Catha-Quake-Metho-Bapti-Lutheran Christian.” I have even called my self in frustration, “Post-denominational.” However, apart from the rhyme and reason of titular titles, on my deepest level I am a servant (slave) of God, who is seeking to do his Master’s will. This means that I seek to make His yes my yes and His no my no. As for titles and such, they are purely secondary.
“Fiat Voluntas tua”
To Be Continued…
April 27th, 2006
TRANSUBSTANTIATION WAS THE first Catholic doctrine that I came to understand. This doctrine teaches that the elements become physically the Body and Blood of Christ. As I stated sometime prior, when I left FBC, I began to read the Bible with different eyes -- more literal eyes. This was always something that had bugged me, If evangelicals assert that the Bible is literally true, then why do they insist on taking spiritual or symbolic readings of the Last Supper narrative? I have always believed that Christ was a plain spoken kind-of guy -- he said what needed to be said when it needed to be said. So should I read "This is my body" any differently? Or what about John 6:53-59? I do not think should be taken symbolically! He is the bread of life, present at the Eucharistic Table! After this, I began to have certain experiences at the Altar that I had never had before, I'm sure these will be written about much later. Tied together with a new understanding of the Word of God, tied with experiences with The Spirit -- I came to believe Transubstantiation as true. Will I ever understand the mechanics of it? Doubtful but I think that St. Thomas Aquinas had a good grasp of it. But does it matter if I understand it? I don't understand speaking in tongues or the the virgin birth of Jesus, but they are true! It doesn't matter if I understand it, it just matters that I simply believe in it.
DURING ADVENT AT the beginning of this liturgical year, I begin to understand that when we worship we enter literally into the throne room of grace. If our praise is there, then it mingles with the Angels and the Saints(both recognized and unrecognized), as the liturgy so beautiful suggests. If this is true, that we are in the midst of the Saints, than what should I be for me to turn to them and say, "Please pray with me on this issue." After all, they really are not dead, but have eternal life with Christ, something for which we hope. It would seem to me that denying Saintly intercession denies the very hope for which we long! If this is true, then their perspective from God's eternality, than maybe they can help me in their prayers in a more effective way. Much like a righteous person's prayers are effective, this is true because his/her perspective is closer to God -- just multiply that by 100 and there you have Saintly Intercession. Let my well meaning Protestant friends commence quoting 1 Sam. 28:1-24 and calling me unbiblical, I welcome it!
THAT LEAVES PURGATORY. You can take the Baptist boy out of the Baptist Church, but you can't the Baptist Church out of the boy. On this matter, all I can say is "I don't know." I don't know if I have eternal assurance of my salvation, because quite frankly, God will not ask for my opinion. I don't have an assurance of anyone else's salvation because God will not ask my opinion. So, is there a Purgatory? I don't know. Does it really matter? I don't know.
THAT MEANS THAT in a span of one year, my mind has been changed on two of the three doctrines that I always said I would never convert to Catholicism. I find now that I agree more with the Roman Catholic Church than I do with most of my Protestant Brothers and Sisters. Which brings up the issue of family and why the potential for changing Churches will be a sticky thing!
To Be Continued...
April 22nd, 2006
ROME WAS KNOWN in the Church I was raised, to be the home of well-meaned but misguided Christians, who worship Mary, have to earn their salvation and have this queer view of Communion. Even worse than all this, they used written prayers, which surely meant that they didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus. However, FBC of Frankfort was ecumenical enough to believe that some Catholics were actually saved, kind of like how some Methodists were saved. Interest in the Roman Ritual and Rite felt like pornography – something that felt great but is shameful if you were caught doing it.
MY ATTRACTION TO the Roman Catholic Church began shortly after I was Baptized in the Holy Spirit, when I discovered the works of a little Spanish charismatic nun, St. Teresa of Avila – whom I had discovered after reading Madame Guyon. Surely, she had to be in the “some saved” in the Catholic Church. She was witty, she was wise, but most importantly she was a servant of God. She taught a way of life that wasn’t that uncommon from the writings of beloved Protestants like AW Tozer and George Fox.
I THOUGHT IN those early days, “If the Church in which I was raised was wrong on the gifts and function of the Holy Spirit – then where else were they wrong?” This lead me to look at scripture with different eyes and I came to a different understanding of faith. By this time, I was brought to St. Paul’s Lutheran and was given a new concept of worship. Liturgy was no longer foreign or evil – it was just the Bible condensed surrounding the table. So, Roman Catholicism was no longer a distant cousin, but more like a brother who is studying abroad.
I STILL HAD three doctrinal problems with Catholicism, even before changing churches even came on the Radar,
1. Saintly Intercession: Asking “dead” Saints to pray for and with you.
2. Transubstantiation: Christ being physically present in the Communion elements.
3. Purgatory: The narthex of heaven; the church suffering.
Feeling certain light pressure to change my Church address from time to time, I told God, "If you can change my mind on these three issues, then I'll consider it."
"Domine, ad adiuvandum me festina."
To Be Continued...
I HATED THOSE words with every fiber and being of my body. “I will not end up like that. I am better than that. After all, hasn’t God called me to something better and that’s why I left the church in the first place, right?” My pride and arrogance took over and I ran – I ran away from those words like a frightened child from reproachful parents.
IT HAS BEEN four years since I have set foot in First Baptist of Frankfort, Indiana; (Except for once for graduation Sunday, when I was invited to be a part of the service. After which, I left as quickly as I could, so that I would not be asked the sticky question, “Where have you been? Why did you stop coming?” That would open a whole can of worms that I did not feel comfortable discussing because I would have to name names and it would not solve anything.) My mind drifts often back to that Church and I have mixed emotions still to this day. I am grateful for what I learned but they could not nor were they willing to take me to the next level in my relationship with God.
“DON'T BE SHOCKED if you end up back home.” Those words are a curse—an invitation to failure. They make it seem as if I would be the prodigal son, returning from years of Church wandering, to open arms and to home. The problem is that may be true. After leaving the Church, I flew solo for a few months as I tried to find another Church. God led me to St. Paul’s Lutheran in Frankfort to play piano. As much as I love the people and Pastor John – it was not home; however, I was grateful for what I learned from them. Since coming to Milligan, I have made friends who feel like family and therefore make this home, but I have no Church home. I go to Hopwood Memorial Christian Church and I love the people there, but it too is not home.
AS THE OLD saying goes, “Omnes viae Romam ducunt.”
To Be Continued...